Things are Changing

{For Christmas this year my parents took guardianship of four boys... }

This meant that I got four guardian brothers... whether I wanted them or not. If I am going to be painfully honest this has been really hard for me. I am extremely proud of my parents for what they have done but that doesn't mean this has been an easy transition. I realize that I am a married college graduate with a job who maybe should not be seemingly affected by this life decision my parents have made but honestly the transition has taken a lot of growth on my part. I don't always like that I have to share my parents. I know these boys really need may parents but there are moments that I wish I just had my parents back to myself. I've grown to love these boys in so many ways. Honestly they are really great kids... but to suddenly share my parents with four boys six to seventeen year olds has challenged me and changed me. 

{I know it's extremely selfish but sometimes I really miss having my parents to myself.}

Sometimes I think this transition has been easier for my parents than it has been for me. Even though I have very loving and awesome parents there are times when I call that they can't talk because of something going on with one of the boys. When I visit my family I don't get the peaceful time with family to catch up. Everything is loud and if I want to make a nice relaxing dinner instead it's a dinner for a minimum of eight. I know these are seemingly minor things and I'm not going to go into a lot more detail... I think the examples above suffice in explaining that life has changed. 

{I just want to say a few things about some of my guardian brothers.}

The youngest three have stolen my heart. They are so dear to me... Each of them has grown so much and I am amazed at the transformation that is happening before my eyes. I am excited for the oldest of the boys. He gets this awesome privilege of some time with my parents before he heads off to school. The boys still visit their biological parents fairly regularly. I can't imagine going back and forth between homes even for visits but I think it is really cool that my parents still make the effort for the boys to know their bio-parents. I cant imagine this transition has been easy on the boys but each of them has been generally amazing. For the oldest I can't imagine moving in with a new family and for the youngest this must all be so confusing... but by God's grace this has all gone pretty well. I am excited to see what God continues to do... I know that he'll continue to challenge and change me... He is always working on my heart. To my guardian brothers... Someday I hope to tell them that they have challenged me in a beautiful way that has allowed me to grow closer to God in ways that I couldn't have expected. I hope the very best for them and I love all four of these boys. It will be interesting to see what God continues to do in challenging me and in challenging the boys. Prayers are very appreciated. 

{If this is something that you're thinking about doing or that your family has done...}

Taking on guardian children when you already have a family that is grown up or out of the house will effect them too. Just because we are not there all the time does not mean that we are not impacted by this huge transition in your life. Thank you to my amazing parents for helping me as this continues to become a reality for me. Thank you to God that my new guardian brothers are sweet and seem to really want to do good. Honestly I think this is a beautiful thing. Even when I have felt my lowest about this transition I am still very proud of my parents for this sacrifice they are making. I hope if you make this transition that you'll do it prayerfully and with a lot of understanding for your children who have difficulty with the transition. My parent's grace has blessed me so much through this transition. It effects everyone differently. My sister seems to have no problems with any of this at all but for me I feel like my world's been completely changed. 

{My parents have been amazing in loving me through this transition and pointing me to God but sometimes transitions are still difficult. I am grateful to know that all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord and I am grateful to know that God is at work in each of those boys even now. Things are changing... I am (whether I like it or not) becoming more flexible...}

One last thing... Hans has really blessed me in helping me with all of this. He has seen when these things have been the most difficult for me and he's loved me anyways. He's loved them and shown me how to love. He's encouraged me and reminded me to turn to God for my strength and love. I've heard that Hans means a gift from God... In this case he really fits his name. (Sorry to be gross and sappy)

{the end.}

[until later]

Being a Doer.

Lately (meaning for a few months now) I have been thinking about the concept of going to things or seeing things rather than doing things. This has really challenged me. You see it all started when I was cuddled up on the couch in a quilt my Great Aunt made for me with a delicious mug of hot chocolate as I watched some old hockey games. At this point in time the NHL still had the season on hold. I was checking twitter on an almost daily basis just hoping to hear the update that hockey would be back! As I was sitting there watching an old Oiler’s game from the glory days of Gretzky and Messier I started to have a challenging introspective moment. I could not help but feel challenged that I have never played hockey; more than that I was challenged about watching life versus being a part of life.

            What am I supposed to do about this? Well I’ll be honest I am probably not going to stop watching hockey or going to start playing hockey. I can only imagine the ways I would be crushed. On top of this I think hockey is my sport to enjoy from the sidelines. BUT this thinking still challenged me. I want to be doing. So I have made some challenges to myself. I will finish the novel I’m writing. I will attempt to get it published. I will finish the art series that I’m working on. I will complete another art series after I finish this one. I will attempt to get my art series into a gallery where other people can see my art and hopefully become inspired to go out and do something. This also challenged me in terms of Hans and my trip to Europe. I loved our trip but my constant concern was will we be going out and doing something or just walking around looking at everything. Our trip was amazing but I have to say I feel challenged. I want to leave earth better than I find it. If I am just watching all the time I will miss out on so many of the awesome things that God has planned for me to take part in. I believe we are supposed to rest in Christ but I think in that new strength and peace we are to go out and truly change the world for God’s glory. Honestly I’m still figuring things out but I am so glad that I have God, Hans, and my family to help me along the way. 

Blessed.

I am overwhelmed by how blessed I am. God is such a gracious, loving, awesome, perfect, and forgiving God... He sent his awesome son Jesus to earth to live and then sacrifice his life for humanity to be able to have a relationship with him and God. That is an overwhelming, awe-inspiring type of love. And then on a very personal level I have to say I am overwhelmed with blessing again and again. God gave me parents that deeply love God and show it through their actions on a daily basis. God blessed me with siblings who also love and trust in God. God hand picked AMAZING grandparents for me too. Then on top of all the those wonderful people I have been blessed with phenomenal and inspiring friends. I have been able to continue my education through college and will be graduating with a B.A. this spring. PLUS through getting that university education I somehow managed to be blessed beyond what I ever could have guessed when I met Hans who is my best friend, love, husband.  Now I am married to a man that is seriously a gift from God and loves and follows and trusts God like crazy. I just wanted to celebrate Jesus because SERIOUSLY He is way better at planning than I could ever be. I am excited to see what His plans are for Hans and my future.

How Sweet it Is

I am so blessed to truthfully say that I am in love with my best friend. My husband is such an amazing man and so much fun to be married to! We have been working on all sorts of projects lately and I can't stop smiling that I get to have so many adventures with him! He is an amazing man. Ephesians 3:20-21 says, "Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory." Well God is at work in a big way. I am excited to see what happens next, where we'll go, and what God has in mind BUT He has already done more than I could have asked or imagined in Hans and I.

Here's to the little blessings that God blows us away with! God is faithful and I am so grateful He is such a good God!

If You Dare…

One of the most challenging, growing, exciting things I have ever done was to go on a mission trip with Reign Ministries. I have not been on a mission trip in a few years but I really hope that Hans [my AMAZING soon to be husband] and I can go on a trip together soon.

Royal Servants is such a challenging life altering experience. When I went on the trip I memorized verses and was challenged and encouraged continually in my faith. This organization has things so right as they talk about the foundations of the Christian faith and help those who go on the trips to own there faith and grow at any point in your relationship with God.

If you are interested at all in doing a missions trip I would so encourage you to check out this amazing organization. If you aren’t interested in the trip I would still encourage checking out the organization because it so encourages me to see what God is doing through youth in the world. What an awesome God we serve! And hey if you are or are not interested in a trip this video is so encouraging to me about staying connected to Christ. 

And here is a picture from my summer with RS

Insanity and College Go Hand in Hand like a Happily Dating High School Couple

So This week I have the wonderful privilege of writing an essay, doing a group presentation, taking two midterms. Taking one final and doing a lab! I also get to start premarital training, go to work and try to maintain some minute sense of sanity. Should be fun!
I would take all the prayers I can get! I keep remembering that God says not to worry. In Matthew 6:34 it says, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." I have not been spending the time in the bible that I need to lately but I am so grateful for the reminder that God is faithful even when I am not. The knowledge that the list of things that I need to make happen this week are all accounted for in God's plans. My job is to trust in the Lord, spend time with Him and to WORK for Him and to the best of my ability! Sometimes that is really scary to just sit back and trust but I know that God is so worth it and He can handle all my concerns!

On a side note, Hans and I got on the Save the Date Video's for our wedding! AWESOME! It feels so nice to have that taken care of :)

Lessons from a Seventeen Year Old.

I am looking back at some of my old prayer journals and I have been feeling so convicted. I am impressed by how awesome God is and how odd it is that I let myself get in the ways of His great and AWESOME plans. I mean seriously who am I to get in the way of what God wants to do. Unfortunately I seem to find myself getting in the way a lot. I look at some of the things in my life and sometimes I wonder, what in th world am I thinking now. I am in the process of working towards a BA in English at a "secular" University but who am I to say or assume that God doesn't have something awesome planned for me in this part of the adventure of my life. I have to admit, I have not been spending the time in the Word [aka the Bible] that I need to. Unfortunately I have not only done that but I have been beating myself up for doing this and I haven't been spending more time with God because of it. WHAT AM I THINKING? I am such a fool sometimes. Spending time with God is so precious and I have not been loving God the way that I need to. I go to read my bible and get distracted with Plants VS Zombies. I mean really as far as things of eternal worth are concerned I would def say that time with God beats fighting Dr. Zombtness. Part of why I started this blog is because I really need some form of verbal processing and at the same time admitting when I have done wrong. That is so hard for me. Today I just wanted to say that I have been so so Wrong. But I would like to start being right again. Spending that time with God that I need so deeply within the core of my being.

The hands we hold

Lately I have been working on a project for my Painting class that focuses on hands. I am intrigued by the importance of hands to almost everything I do. Above is one of the pictures I have been working on for the project. on the Left is my hand and on the right is Hans' hand. This picture is meant to represent or symbolize memories of Hans and my relationship from when we first met and first started dating. I actually don't remember the first time Hans and I met. I remember the event but I do not remember him being there. One of my life long best friends and Hans lived on the same floor our Freshman year of college. My friend and I had gone for a run and when we came back I was all sweaty and gross but we decided to play cards. After playing cards for a bit Karl (my life long friend) and I went to the hall and I met a group of guys. Apparently Hans was in that group and I caught his eye. From what he has told me I talked about how much I love my brother and Hans thought it was really attractive that I love my family so much. Although I didn't notice Hans, his eyes and heart were set on me from that time on. What caused me to notice Hans was actually that someone very dear to me had a crush on him. I would not have realized who Hans was without this person and I am so grateful to them for having liked him. After becoming good friends, mostly through friends, I gained a lot of trust in Hans but never realized that he liked me. When I finally realized that Hans liked me I was so unsure of what to do, after a long while he and I went on some dates. We were so tentative to even hold hands... Now I sometimes look at his hands and just praise God, Thanking God that I get to hold Hans hands for the rest of our life. I also thank the Lord when we were just freshmen in college, his were the hands I held. 

Young and will be Married Soon :S :]

This Spring I will be marrying my best friend Hans. We'll both be twenty-one and are looking forward to this very much! Hans is hilarious and so much fun. For as long as I can remember knowing him we have some of our best talks when we go on walks. When we first met our freshman year of college we both looked like little babies and sometimes acted the same. We were in a bible study together and sometimes we would get into arguments about what certain points in the bible meant. Some from our group thought we were flirting but we were legitimately duking it out. I find it pretty funny now. On our walks sometimes we talk about theology, evaluate our lives, share memories or just fall on the ground laughing. One of my favorite things about Hans is that He continually challenges me, in my faith, my understandings, my cultural expectations. In Christ there is always adventure and I am so glad that Hans seeks to go through that adventure with God and me too! Hans is such a blessing to my life and love that I get to spend the rest of my life with him!

Hans and I want a relationship that lasts till death parts us... I would hate for a spiritual death to part us... I need to be spending more time focusing on my adventures with God so that I can truly be alive.

Wooot Woot!

God is Bigger

Do you believe that God still speaks through dreams? I do.

I have been thinking lately that God is FAR bigger than I am willing to admit to myself. I am trying to let go of my inhibitions and wrongful preconceptions about who God is and now He works. Growing up I sometimes heard times that God didn’t really work the same ways that He did in the bible…. He was more at work in quiet, passive ways. More and more I feel like this really isn’t true. I also feel like YES God sometimes works quietly but I can’t seem to understand why God wouldn’t still use things like healing, tongues, speaking to people. I think God still speaks to people in big ways... Isaiah 30:21 says, ‘Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.’” Jesus teaches us to pray and shows us the meaning of true sacrifice and love. He encourages us to pray for our daily bread and also tells us that we cannot live on bread alone. I am pretty sure that our bread is supposed to be Him. I am considering some of the things I’ve prayed about lately… doing well in Geology, getting good reviews for my art critique, not having so much snow, help with wedding planning… when will I learn my lesson. I don’t need so much stuff. In Matthew 24:35 Jesus says, “Heaven and earth will pass away but  my words will not pass away.” You know what else passes away with Heaven and earth Chelsea?  Grades, snow, Hans, fill in the blank.. What isn’t going to pass away is so hard for me to wrap my mind around when I get caught us on now. I have such a short-term perspective it’s awful. I’m in geology right now and my professor is talking about the millions and billions of years, which I don’t really agree with but that is besides the point, and I am thinking that is a lot of zeros…. Eternity is so much longer than any of these numbers we’re conjuring up. I’ll be out of class in 8 minuets if I am out in time. This class can’t pass away quickly enough. I am so imperfect. My mind focuses too often on temporary things. I want to be more aware of that still small voice telling me which way to God and I want to be so caught up in God. One of my favorite verses is found in 2 Corinthians 5:13 and says:

If we are “out of our mind,” as some say, it is for God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you.

As a Christian I think my life could maybe use a little bit more crazy…. Now off to  painting. I am hoping to incorporate that sweet little girl’s prayer.